It was over. The reality of the statement sank in gradually and no gaping black hole had opened in the earth and engulfed the world, in fact even tears were elusive. The weekend of worry and frantic activity that had passed had brought into focus one truth, that if it was meant to be, then it would be. And it was over.

The whole affair had played out in three short but intense weeks. From the first brush of contact, flirty emails, an incredible meal with flashing blue eyes and a fleeting kiss to several incredible make-out sessions and at last two nights of orgasmic sex. The ride had been incredible, with highs so high forever seemed within reach and then the crash of reality, when she had withdrawn and said the dreaded "it's not you...it's me". Who knew that being a lesbian was just as bad as being hetero? But, in the end, always in the end, came the postmortem. The hope that in the wreckage of the moment that there was some nugget of wisdom to be gained, some THING that made the pain worthwhile...not just a strike at the heart. Pepper had been her first boi. A whole new world of thoughts and ideas and experiences that had been as foreign as being a lesbian had been a year ago.

She had been more of a gentleman than many of the men in my life. She opened doors and paid the bill without thought. She placed the order at restaurants and took the lead in the relationship. And she had given me roses for no reason other than she wanted to. The feelings had been intense with a twist of desperation. She was looking for something I could never be, something elusive I believe even to her. I had been seeking reassurance that some one other than Kay could want me and someone to fill the hole that was opening in my life as my daughter made the adult move away from me. Tears and heartbreak had been short lived. Work had called and the dawning awareness had come that this had been an incredible moment but that was all just a moment that added to the flavor of life, just a short chapter in the continuing saga of life.