Etiqeutte

Thanks to Ang, the Sweltering Celt, bringer of weekly Microfantasy Monday! The theme this week is Etiquette.

Much like a 5 year old for the first being allowed at the Thanksgiving table,
I entered a whole new world.
Everything is familiar, there are plates and silver, but at the BIG table the rules are different.
From the out side it was a typical bar, even at the door there was a familiar vibe...
the room was hazy, features obscure in the neon glow,
the throb of bass driving the dancers into a frenzy of movement.
But this bar was different.
This bar was more than overtly sexual it was raw, pulsating sex.
Womens' bodies (the few that were clad) were covered in leather and chains.
Paddles and whips were displayed prominently in hands and tucked into waistbands.
Leashes tethered submissive to Dom.
Eyes downcast and on my knees, eager to please,
I entered the fray as I had been instructed to
hoping to find an instructor in this exciting new world of pleasure.

MicroFantasy Monday: Week 52

This week’s Microfantasy Monday theme is ‘Miss Ang‘. Thanks as always to Miss Ang, the Sweltering Celt, for giving us the prompt and continuing our Microfantasy Monday fun.

For the last 45 weeks, I've played voyeur every Monday...ok...maybe not every Monday but every week at least once a week I peek through the window of butchtasticness and peep into the world of Miss Ang and her happy followers. Some weeks I'll post...most weeks I just read and enjoy the imaginative playground that is opened every Monday.

Until recently online peeping has been my dirty little secret, something I do late at night, once the apartment is dark and still, my daughter safely closed in her own world. But now that the nest is empty my secret isn't hidden...now I can look at will...spending as much time as I want ogling the lives of others and wondering if I'd ever have the nerve to live out loud the life I can only imagine and Ang...beautiful, beautiful Ang you have been my window.

My first glimpse came at week 5. I had just been introduced to Butchtastic and the world of Kyle when I read my first MfM. Following the link I was all a twitter when first presented with the awe inspiring sight of you. Your cleavage unexpectedly filled my screen, I scrolled down quickly...like catching someone undressing and quickly averting your gaze, I looked away. But the alluring sight pulled me back over and over again. The beautiful creamy swell of your breasts, the sexy sizzle of a peek of black lace cupping you intimately. Showing enough to titillate, drawing me in, making me want to see more, learn more...to overcome my fears that have kept me hovering in the shadows peeking into your world. Through your window I've watched the world unfold before me. I've read about your life, your loves, and even some of your everyday stuff... But your window has shown me so much more...through your window I've glimpsed into the world of others, seeing their fantasies unfold before me. Thank you Ang...for leaving the curtains open and letting me watch. Maybe some day I will find the confidence to step out of the shadows and live a life that currently only lives in my mind.

Love Lessons Learned

In my quest for living a life free of regrets, I strive to see all things, good, bad or indifferent as the opportunity to live a full life and learn the lessons that the universe is teaching me. Each person that has come into my life have come with a lesson. Some of those lessons have been harder to learn than others...some of the lessons I've as yet to figure out. In an abbreviated fashion here are the love lessons I've learned.

From:
My parents: I've learned that love should be unconditional and given without strings.
My Grandma: That love is in fact unconditional and able to overlook somethings.
My Granddad: That love is undignified...that grown-ups should get down on their hands and knees and play horsie at times, and that love often sits back and watches and does things quietly and without fanfare.
My brothers: That love doesn't mean liking you all the time.
My Grandpa Wade: that love is resilient, that the loss of one love isn't the end of the world and that both spiritual love and physical love are a lifelong persuit.
Shaun Cassidy & Farrah Fawcett: that crushes make you feel alive.
David Mc: that first love is survivable and that one person will always live in your heart.
Dan:that high school sweethearts are like training wheels, wonderful at teaching us to ride but eventually just a training tool that are left behind when we are ready to fly solo.
Robert: that love should never be on the rebound.
Andy: that my grandmother's truisms weren't far wrong, love should find common ground and that a child can't be that ground.
Chris: love shouldn't be based on the fear of being alone and that really good sex doesn't make everything ok.
Lynn: that a brilliant mind is just as attractive as any other physical attribute.
Bill: that in order to love truly, first you must be true to yourself.
Ronnie: that love can be adventuresome, and that part of my true-self loves biking!
Kim: that I love women and that finally...finally I understand that I don't have to put up with abusive behavior...that I love myself enough to not make myself the target for someone else's hurt.
Pepper: that I'm not too old for the rush of a crush or the pain of being dumped.
Maya: that the love of an animal is just as fraught as human love, I just laugh more.

And from Erin, my baby girl, my heart: that the heart is capable of an infinite amount of love, from the first time I got to hold you....to the moment I kissed you good bye as you head into your journey as an adult that love makes us bigger, stronger and weaker than we ever imagined we could be, capable of both great good and horrible wrongs.

There have been others, some great, some small, all have touched my heart and helped me to grow. At this point in my life there is one thing I know for sure...that life is worth living...every day...every moment...with love and enthusiasm. Without love there is nothing.

It was over. The reality of the statement sank in gradually and no gaping black hole had opened in the earth and engulfed the world, in fact even tears were elusive. The weekend of worry and frantic activity that had passed had brought into focus one truth, that if it was meant to be, then it would be. And it was over.

The whole affair had played out in three short but intense weeks. From the first brush of contact, flirty emails, an incredible meal with flashing blue eyes and a fleeting kiss to several incredible make-out sessions and at last two nights of orgasmic sex. The ride had been incredible, with highs so high forever seemed within reach and then the crash of reality, when she had withdrawn and said the dreaded "it's not you...it's me". Who knew that being a lesbian was just as bad as being hetero? But, in the end, always in the end, came the postmortem. The hope that in the wreckage of the moment that there was some nugget of wisdom to be gained, some THING that made the pain worthwhile...not just a strike at the heart. Pepper had been her first boi. A whole new world of thoughts and ideas and experiences that had been as foreign as being a lesbian had been a year ago.

She had been more of a gentleman than many of the men in my life. She opened doors and paid the bill without thought. She placed the order at restaurants and took the lead in the relationship. And she had given me roses for no reason other than she wanted to. The feelings had been intense with a twist of desperation. She was looking for something I could never be, something elusive I believe even to her. I had been seeking reassurance that some one other than Kay could want me and someone to fill the hole that was opening in my life as my daughter made the adult move away from me. Tears and heartbreak had been short lived. Work had called and the dawning awareness had come that this had been an incredible moment but that was all just a moment that added to the flavor of life, just a short chapter in the continuing saga of life.