Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I would really like to meet her.
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God,
Cause I am on my way to see her.
So tell me am I very far -Am I very far now?
For a month now, I've been thinking about my concept of God and how it has changed. But, I really can't remember giving God much thought as a child. I can remember being intregued by the concept that "He has the whole world in his hands" and thinking those must be some mighty BIG hands. Other than that HE fell mostly into the Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Milkman catagory of existance. In other words, he was this mistical magical creature who made cool things happen. As a Christian and a Baptist at that much more time was spent learning about and studying the history of Christ.
In my early teens I got kind of stuck on the trinity concept, mostly because a friend of mine couldn't get past the whole one-in-three concept. I guess as a woman the concept of one body having three completely seperate functions wasn't all that hard to grasp. Much harder was trying to figure out how you found balance between, wife, mother, and job. It also made it very clear that this god business can't be very easy. In my late teens I became enthralled with the study of World Religions and was fortunate to find teachers who challenged my concept of God and gave me more of a world view on the many facets of God.
In my twenties I met a man who was a wonderful biblical teacher who focused on the promises contained within the Bible and how the Promise was made in the Old Testament then came to fruition in the New. I also took a Biblical History class at Wake Forest and for the first time read the Old Testament in it's entirity. The God of the old testament was a fierce God. One of burning bushes and smitting (smooting?) and general "vengence is mine sayeth the Lord". Pretty scary stuff until you follow through and meet the God of the New Testament, better known as Papa God, the proud dotting father of the Savior of Man. Then life took over and in my late 20's and 30's the concept never took up a lot of my time. I attended church sporadically and as usual the majority of focus is on Christ...not God.
The times when I have considered the magnitude of God have usually been when I am witnessing the majesty of his creation. There is nothing as breath taking and awe inspiring as a sunrise or sunset, be it over the mountains or the Atlantic, or just caught as I drive. These two moments set of the thought of what that first sunrise must have been like over a newly minted earth. And until the birth of my daughter I thought there was no moment that held as much promise as the dawn of a new day. And apparently at one point Cat Steven's agreed...
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word
I still hear that song in my mind when I watch the sun rise...no matter where I am.
At the birth of my daughter I gained a new insight to my concept of God. Here was this delicate new creation who was totally dependant on me and who stretched my heart to grasp the concept of infinate love. No matter how tired, how fraught, how worried this was one face that when it turned to me and smiled I knew that there is no greater love than that of a parent for a child. Then my concept of God gained a texture and depth that I'd never expected. How could God look down on his children and not love them all? How could He condemn so many to the agonies of hell that was promised for "non-believers". How could he stomache the involcation of his name in senseless acts of brutality?
And now in my 40's I know in my heart of hearts that this IS NOT God. These are the concepts of small minded humans, ones who draw limits on love, ones who want to feel justified and empowered by believing that God is his infinate LOVE would agree to the limits that his creation would place on that LOVE because as mere children we are incapable of defining the love that only God is capable of.
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