Right Place/Wrong Time? Wrong Place/Right Time?

Has it ever dawned on you that where you are isn't where you want or need to be? Sometimes I feel like my whole life falls into one of those categories...and when I finally get pointed in the direction where I want to be a different part of my life falls off the tracks...

For example:
Right now I feel like professionally I'm not where I want to be...but I'm in transition to being where I'm aiming. While substituting is not where I want to be, it has gotten me out of convenience stores and most months it pays the bills. Where I want to be is teaching in an exceptional children's classroom either in a middle or high school. Substituting gives me access to schools and principals which I'm hoping will lead to an assistant's position while I go back to school (after Erin has graduated).

But, my budding social life has fallen off the tracks. About a year ago I met a woman who fascinated me. I fell hard for her self-confidence and her love of life. Unfortunately we really didn't "connect" until her life started falling apart. She finally had time for me when she got laid off from her job in November, and about a month after she quit AA. We had a brief affair that included a lot of drinking and all the physical "stuff" that goes on early in a relationship. But after a little more than 6 weeks the romance was over. My personal habits drive her to distraction and her drinking gives her license to berate me and be very rude and judgemental. Over the next month we broke up a minimum of 4 times. By this last time I've just grown numb. I want the woman that I met back but it is getting more and more obvious that she's no longer there. I know that I have played a part in this misery and it's continuation is my fault. I wish I had the backbone to tell her how much i appreciate her help in coming out at least to myself but that I don't see a future for us...no matter how much I wish there were one!

I know where I want to be. I want to find a woman to love me...one who will accept me as I am but want who wants me to continue to grow and evolve as a human being. I want to desire and be desired. I want to look into the future and see her at my side. Unfortunately I don't think I'm on the right track at the moment.